Chasing basquiat

DOIN' STUFF

2007-01-04T18:24:00.000-05:00

1. Listening to Stephanie McKay...A lot
2. The new AMP FIDDLER is pretty tight I must admit.
3. Trying to slow up with the drinking for no reason day in day out.
4. Hoping this pack of smokes on my desk is the last. (gotta find another vice)
5. Been watching movies again...(little miss sunshine was COMEDY!!!!!)
6. Trying to be a grownup and handle all these damn financial accounts I got going on.
7. Really trying to clear up debt and increase incoming FLOW.
8. Took my children to the BAPE store in NYC and got them to admit.."That's insane" and it wasn't a positive crack....Something about a 85 dollar fitted, and even they saw the stupidity in it.
9. Lacing up the sneakers to start running again.
10. READING AGAIN!!!! Just finished INSTANT MILLIONAIRES...DEN OF THIEVES(truth be told, I was amazed by these guys when I was in High School, and saddened they wound up in JAIL, but amazed that one got fined 600 million, and money wrote a check out like it was for SEARS(DATS GANGSTA')....And GRAMMAR SOURCE"the smarter way to learn grammar" (sent an email to my son..He responded and I made the mistake of correcting his grammar and spelling and resending it to him...He CALLED me and told me "grandmaw says I write like you")

i missed the new year...

2007-01-01T08:50:00.000-05:00

Drove back from dropping my son in VA, and got home and crashed hard!!!!
Well its here..2007.....hmmmm
Lets see how it goes...so far not much has changed, but im trying to be optomistic....not a lot of luck in that...but im going to try.

At 38....

2006-12-28T17:36:00.000-05:00

I feel i'm too old to have a myspace page, and truthfully have been on the site maybe five times(music related)..I never wanted to the old man in the club, nor the old man in cyberspace. But recently, It occured to me I have been to the end of the net...thats right...i've done it all. While most of it is bullshit...and perhaps its because im drunk ohh so often...but i find one of the most interesting places to lurk, is craigslist. In particular..the missed connection section. Ab-so-fuckin'-lutely fascintaing!!!!

I had no idea romance still existed in this cruel world!

Keep it a secret, but i can spend hours going from city to city and reading how folks are looking for that person whose eyes they met on a train, plane, the store..anywhere....hoping that the person reads thier note and responds.

Might sound weird...but in a strange way...its beautiful.

Gunner

Hello...old friend....

2006-12-28T10:01:00.000-05:00

Sorry to take so long to reach out to you, but my life is not mine, hence i tend to find myself in situations that cannot be controlled by me. Kinda fucked up, but its my life. I (with much regret) designed it this way.
You know, I figured if i could just make it through the divorce, then things would eventually work out. Sadly, that's not to be.

Never in my life would I have guessed that my life would turn out the way it has, never. At damn near 40, I find myself walking alone. New York City is a world within a world....anything you want, you can find. Anything you want to do, can be done. The sound of trains, planes, and cabs, makes this place one non stop hustle. Yet, even though its become so crowed that personal space is non existent today....one can still live here, and be in the center of it all, and still be alone. For those that find themselves in this position....solace and company can be found in a bottle, a pack of smokes...and a high speed data line.

A pack and a half of Newport's a day. Two six packs of domestic beer(the cheapest) a night. Average four hours in front of the computer, online a night, before the smoke and beer do the job and lull one to sleep, is all my life consists of six days a week. Saturday is the only break in my routine, and that is because I spend it with my kids.

While that should be fun, I cant lie...the darkness that comes when they are dropped off at the end if the night....erases any trace of brightness that appeared prior.

A life full of mistakes has led me here. Mistakes that I myself made. As much as Id like to place blame on others for my place here, I know I cant. While I never accomplished much...if anything, I can honestly say "this is a creation of mine".

There was a time I had friends. Serious friends. That was long ago. I found myself short with folks till I came to the understanding that I'd be better off walking away from them all. So here i now stand.

By their own follies they perished, the fools. Homer, the Odyssey

I find myself living the life of Sisyphus now. Pointless, repetitious, and struggling. The only bright side, is like Sisyphus, I too, know what tomorrow will bring. As well as the day after, and the day after that, and the day after that.

Some people talk of change. Change, what is that?
I don't believe it exists. I don't.
I believe you are who you are before you get wherever you wind up.

It is not possible to fight beyond your strength, even if you strive (same dude)

Why I write this, I'm not quite sure (I find writing today is much like walking the streets of New York City for me...absolutely unbearable).....perhaps because when I've tried to say it aloud.....I hate the sound of my voice.

Gunner

9 children...

2006-12-24T23:37:00.000-05:00

Surprised beyond belief...One mother breaking down into tears on her porch and needed to be held...one child crying and hiding (she was maybe 2) unitl we gave her a sesame street play set and she came out....a group of children whose building is so crazy, you can tell they never go out, freaking out and thanking us constantly for the gifts..the oldest mind you was 9......a little 7 year old boy who letter we answered and showed up to find out he had two sisters and didnt include them in his letter to santa, but we had enough to hand presents to his sisters(along with some cash)....a little girl 4 years old who has c.p. and gets seizures....and a single mom with a 9month old........
the best part?

my kids telling me on the way home...(two 14 year old boys and a 7 year old girl) "no matter what goes on dad...we have to do this every year!!"

Priceless!!!

oh yeah, a good friend of mine has been having trouble with her 11 year old son, and brought him along to go to childrens houses, who have nothing and give them gifts...broke down and cried and apologized to his mom for being a DICK!!!!

I love my children....they understand me.....and slowly,...day by day...are evolving into men..and a woman.

Funny, how my 7 year old girl...she wants to make "babies smile", while my sons...they just want "to give back to whoever never GETS"

I love my kids.

Merry Christmas..Happy Holidays folks!

Gunner

my ace from v.a....

2006-12-22T16:23:00.000-05:00

Dropped my son at the airport. Im ready for him....its that time of the year. Im picking up his brother and sister sunday early...we have six families, about ten kids we'll be taking gifts to. One is a four year old girl with c.p. and suffers from seizures....aught' to be interesting to say the least. lots of clothes, movies, and a few toys. A chance for my kids to see how some have to live. They enjoy it, this is our third year doing this, wasn't going to, but i have a friend that felt i need to keep doing it...that and the fact that my son in va kept asking how many families we were going to do...my kids enjoy it....and then we'll go out ot eat and talk.

Guess im not that bad of a person...am i?

Talked to someone...

2006-12-12T17:58:00.000-05:00

and did the OJ through the airport...wound up in san fran after all. It was.....interesting. Curious as to who i really am. Am i the guy at home drinking and sitting in front of the computer who is defined by his children?? or am i the guy that was eating tuna tar tar and scallops and grilled corn and caviar?? Im not sure...messed up and pushed the wrong button, so some folks may very well get images of me in san fran...if your one of them...my bad...wont happen again!! I swear!!

my flight

2006-12-06T06:37:00.000-05:00

leaves for san fran in a few hours. Ive decided that i wont be on it. thats right, im not leaving my house. Its been three days since i was informed of how screwed up my life is, and i have yet to be sober or make it out the house, and as of right now i have little intentions of reversing that.

funny, i was actually kinda looking forward to going out west, especailly san fran...but its not meant to be. As for my trip to london...i've nixed that as well( along with a serious money loss).

Sometimes leaving town to find yourself, or stretch your wings, isnt the answer...sometimes all you have to do is look in the mirror. Look deep in the mirror, and you'll see that the person you are...is who you are, and nothing will ever change.

Same shit, different day.

Black and purple days....thats all, black and purple days.

For a split instant though, i really thought i saw some bright colors.....for a second, i swear i did.

my ex-wife

2006-12-05T03:43:00.000-05:00

once told me, that she felt i hated women. I denied it tooth and nail. there is no way....but as i get older, and see the obvious...i must admit...she was right.....i hate them as much as i enjoy them..which pretty much negates any joy.
i dont blame them for my issues..not at all.....i just hate them cause they are my downfall...kinda like heroin...or coke.........its the drug itself..that brings you joy...but its the drug itself that destroys your soul.............

destroy your soul

I oftne tell my kids...

2006-12-04T19:53:00.000-05:00

That the reason I say what I say, and do what I do in regards to them is because I dotn want them to mimic my life.

Now more than ever i see that the errors i made yesterday are manifesting in the present.

What do i tellthem?

I have more money locked up in various deals and investments than i ever had in my pocket...its left to them.

I have a seven figure insurance policy left to them....

and all i want is for them to recieve it all.........

liquor kills you slowly

I didnt want ot admit to it...

2006-12-04T17:36:00.000-05:00

But its become quite apparent that im living in a total vacum(scuse the spelling, im seriously drunk right now). Which perfectly explains why my life is sooooo deeply shitty.

To all those that told me the truth....fuck it, you win.

Bey

I've Got Some Serious Issues...

2006-12-04T09:57:00.000-05:00

Didn't see my kids this weekend, so I wound up sitting my house, Friday, Sat and Sunday....drinking the whole weekend away. After stumbling out of bed and making it to work this morning, it occured to me that i have some issues.

Not quite sure what to do, but i have to do something. I have joked about it, but its actually pretty true. The only time im not drinking and miserable...is when im with my kids, or at work. The only time im not chain smoking is when im with my kids. The only time I leave my house is when im with my kids...or going to work.

Alvin Ailey is playing now in the city. Ive been saying I am going this season...but i havent made it yet to cop tickets. Thats the other thing...if i do try or want to go out...i've pretty much eliminated everyone that I once ran with, so the idea of a running partner is pretty muich over and done. I have one friend that will hang if i ask...but they have thier own life issues that they deal with.

I'm leaving for San Fran in two days...nervous as hell. But i'm looking forward to it. Sure hope I have a good time there.
Then again....anything would be better than another weekend alone...and drunk.

Ive alway's wanted....

2006-12-02T18:07:00.000-05:00

A nice mens watch. Trouble is, like most things, the watches I liked, were way out of my price range. Well, now that I have a few bucks(very few) I decided to take the plunge. So off I went to treat myself. But I discovered something...im a cheap bastard when it comes to self.

Example?

I go to a well known store in NYC that was a rather large collection of watches. I have a friend that works there and she takes me around and shows me a bunch of stuff I can't afford, then it happens. She shows me a watch that is way out of my price range, but her girlfriend that works behind the counter points out that If I wait till the end of the month...i can get it for a major mark-down, if they buy it for me. WOW. We go through the details, and it seems that this 4figure watch will be reduced to...4 hundred dollars. WOW!!! So i tell them Ill be back.

Well, this was the date....so I go to get my watch. Get to the store..cash in hand and go straight to the watch. The clerk takes it out...I put it on. Its beautiful...it makes a serious statement. Picture me...ME of all folks wearing this timepiece I think to my self. Then It occurs to me.....Even with the discount....THATS 4HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR A WATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that fast it was over. I couldnt bring myself to do it. Yeah, its a crazy deal...but its still 4bills for a watch. (Which is pretty stupid when you consider ive been eyeing an AUDEMARS PIGUET for ten years and counting...)

Anyway...my friend see's i'm in the store and comes over to make the purchase for me so i can get the deal. Thats when i tell her, I cant.

She laughs and tells me i never treat myself. I respond, its not about treating yourself....i just cant walk the street knowing i paid four bills for something to sit on my wrist.....even if its a 4 figure joint!

Well, after much arguing...and whining on my part....I did break down and get a watch. Retail was 650...I copped it for a buck and change.

Cant lie though.....

As i walked to the train I couldnt believe I just paid a buck and change for a WATCH!!! (stupid)...and secondly...that 4 figure joint would have looked hot on my wrist...even hotter since it was 4 bills.

But im happy.

Anyone need the time???

no point....

2006-11-28T09:42:00.000-05:00

My apartment is finally starting to look like an adult lives there. Granted, there's a fish tank on every wall, but all in all, I'm kinda happy with it. Broke down and bought a massive flat panel t.v., which will soon be mounted on the wall. I like it.
Been crusing the net looking for a trip to take for my b-day in feb. Figure if i start looking now and book I can get a decent deal. Want to hit south america, but the airfare seems a bit high. Actually cheaper to hit eastern europe than S.A. I know, eastern europe and south america are polar opposites, but those are the spots id like to run to.
I'll be turning 39. Damn. Never thought I'd be this old, and doing what I do now. So far so good. I'm still alive....that counts for something. Or it should.
My trip to San Fran is a few weeks away, and i find myslef counting down the days. Kinda looking forward to that. Then its off to London. That should be a great trip. the sister I have out that way, is a serious party-monster, so ill be completely out of my comfort zone, which will be good for me. She told me shes taking me to the "pub" Jack the ripper picked up his victims from, so we can get loaded. Hmmmmm, kinda fitting i think.
Havent been able to read as of late....but im trying.

Bebe more cambell died yesterday.56 of brain cancer. I met her years ago...she invited me to take a class of hers. Nice lady.

oh well...not much to say....so ill shut up.

Gunner

After Debating it over and over...

2006-11-23T14:32:00.000-05:00

Again, I think im getting up early tomorrow and head into the city and go shopping for some boots. I've never beena good shopper, and as I get older, I see i've only gotten worse. Dotn get me wrong, Im good for getting my kids stuff, but for me?? Shesh, I tried to buy a rainjacket two weeks ago, and the store clerk asked me what size I am...I had no idea. That might explain why I buy all my clothes, either too big, or not comfortable enough for me. Had a friend one year who was a fashion designer, and he laced me with a season of clothes from his line. Funny, but his stuff fit me better than anything ive ever tried on and bought...and he never even asked my size. They say this is going to be the busiest time of the year to go shopping. I figure if nothign else....there should be eye candy to look at while I drift around.

Looks like I'll be enrolled in school in Jan. Kinda nervous but it should be interesting if nothing else. I'm takig four Linguistic classes. History of language and the like. Culture and relationship to language. Basically more shit to toos out unimportant facts at folks when im drunk about why they say the stupid shit they say. Lol

Oh well, Im about to head out to go wash some clothes....Looks nasty outside.

enjoy your day folks

GUNNER

im a bit slow.....

2006-11-20T17:58:00.000-05:00

But is the CLIPSE new album(hell hath no fury)...mobb deep cira' SHOOK ONES????? Or is it just me??

All for what?

2006-11-19T11:34:00.000-05:00

Left work early Friday...Went to best buy and bought a tricked out computer...Hopped in the car Sat at 2am, and headed to Virginia. Got in my sons bedroom at 845am. He was out cold, so I did what any pops does to wake his second born up, I jumped on the bed on top of him. He didn't budge...Repeated attempts at flicking his ear eventually woke him, to which he looked at me with sleep in his eyes and said, "Dad?? What are you doing here?"

His birthday is Monday (20th) and I wasn't going to be able to do my normal routine of going down to spend the week with him over Thanksgiving, since this divorce and all the bullshit that came with it messed up my days, so I figured I'd drive down for the day.

Well, he eventually got up, I gave him his computer gift (he freaked out) and took his mom, his sister(her daughter, not mine) and his moms girlfriend and her son to breakfast along with my co-pilot. We ate a big breakfast, laughed and joked, and then gave hugs in the parking lot and I got back on the road to head up to New York City.

As I was driving, I was debating if what I did was the right thing to do or was it pointless? I mean, he lives in V.A. so I only get to see him on holidays, and the summer. Granted we talk on the phone maybe 15 times a week, but I couldn't help but wonder if me being down there for a simple two hours was worth it in his eyes.

Then my phone rang, it was his mom. I told her what I was pondering as I drove back and she insisted he was floored. She had managed to keep the trip underwraps, and he truly enjoyed the brief time. She said he loves me and if its for the summer or for breakfast, he enjoyed any time.

Then she dropped the bomb. She wants to know how I'm doing on a personal note....In particular, with relationships(dont go there, she's married with a new child). She said she can see the stress in my face, and worries about me. I told her I was fine alone...And more than likely, had little intention of being with anyone for a long time. I told her some things regarding my thoughts after this divorce and she said she understood but didn't agree. Long story short(too late) the next time I come down she wants me to stay, even if it's just for a weekend and she wants to arrange an adults night out. She says when I do come down, I only hang with my son (one time I did go out with her husband and a few of his friend and we got SMASHED!!!) and she feels that I need to hang and have fun with adults for a change. I told her I'd think about it, but more than likely i'll go.

Funny, but as I think of my trips down there over the last 14 years, she's right...Outside of that one time, its been child driven. I'll never forget, for my sons 5th or sixth birthday, I had a Hotel, and after his Chuckie Cheese gathering, I took 10 kids (all my sons cousins, and they all call me Uncle Gunner as I've known them before they were born) back to my hotel and we ordered room service, ran up the pay per view cable bill, and passed out all over the room floor and beds. ( ill never forget the races to the ice machine down the hall between me and his female cousin "fini", nor waking up because one the them has their foot planted firmly in my face while everyone is passed out.)

Now they are all getting older...Longer, and have little time to "hang" with uncle Gunner. True, when they hear I'm in towqn they all come buy(hands out mind you...And I tend to fill them)to say hello, and give me a hug. Maybe though, she's right. Maybe I should hang with a few adults.

Its funny, when we stopped dealing, she had harsh words for me(I think I was known as "that nigghah' Gunner", or maybe it was "that motherfuckka' Gunner"...Something like that)but even she admitted that while she couldnt stand my ass, my son never lacked...He was in NYC every holiday, and summer, and I visited on the reg. We spoke on the phone often, and I was consistent in my dealing with him. Even when I got married, there was no change in my actions.

she's married now, to a real cool cat. White boy from Chi-town, and their daughter...Calls me Uncle Gunner. Her and her little girlfriends (one in particular has been dubbed (quietly) niggha lovin(her name) as I cant be in the room without her seven year old self trying to climb my body to sit on my shoudlers...And when I had my hair forget it, I recall sitting on a couch while she sat next to me and tried to braid "our" hair together. LOL.)all enjoy when I stop buy.

But all the fun, and the stupid, insane drive home, I do it for one person. Not for me, nor the little girls nor the older kids that come out the woodwork looking for me...Not even the food(the crew down there is Philippine)but to see my man smile.

He was here this summer...So its only been three months since he was gone, but he's wearing a size 11 shoe...He's gotten broad in the shoulders, all the baby boy I knew is gone...Stomach is flat and all muscle...And he's standing at about 5' 7". He likes to remind me that my feet are smaller than his now. And he keeps whispering that he's gonna be taller than I am (I stand 6' 5"), so I have to let him know two things. One he'll never be as cool as me, so give it up. And second, I can still and always will be able to whoop his ass. LOL.

I don't know, I'm rambling at this point. I love all three of my baby's, yet I'm next to none of them constantly. Sometimes I guess I overdue it (ie:babygirl got jewels for her birthday and owns no shoes unless they are ITALIAN. My son has a new mixer and amp, and several hundred dollars worth of 12inches, V.A. son is enrolled for the summer at Columbia University for an advanced game design course)but then again...It cant hurt, can it? If nothing else, they know I love them, and that's all that matters.

GUNNER

Had a Family Member...

2006-11-14T10:22:00.000-05:00

Come stay for the weekend with me in NYC. He was in town to present his work for his PHD at Columbia University. Brilliant cat, we had a good time, talking, eating, and basic bullshit. Took him to the Schomberg to fill in some research gaps he had. Made me remember how much I enjoyed school.

We had a pretty interesting debate while he was here, as he came over and I had a young lady crashing at my house the night he arrived. When he found out i wasnt sleeping with her it kinda confused him. I explained to him, that we were nothing more than friends, and sexually, it wasn't happening. He wouldn't let it go. One thing led to another and I wound up talkng about my divorce and a few other things.

I quoted a line from an AYN RAND work, in which a male says to a female, "I still want to sleep with you, but I am not a man who is happy enough to do it". He looked less confused after that, but still puzzled.

As the days continue, and i get older by the second, I see that I have little time. Very little time. Hence, I want to waste none. Not of mine, nor of a ladies. So that forces me to handle things a certain way. In regard to sex, while i can have it, and at times want it...rarely do i act upon the urges. I feel nothing from it. Its an action to me, comparable to...making something to eat. Lot of prep work, must pay attention to get it right, and then you have to clean the kitchen. Id rather not cook, and if i have to eat...ill order out.

Dropping him at the airport, we embraced in our usual hug, and as he walked away he turned and said, "what do you call a 40 year old single man?", to which i responded, "a cautious, paranoid, hermit". He laughed and asked, "is that who you want to be?"....my response?

"its not about what I want....its who I am."

And on that note...i drove home, and went back to bed.

BABYGIRLS BDAY...

2006-11-06T22:52:00.000-05:00

Picked her and her brother up. Had a cake and small family gathering at grandmaws house. She loved it. She got her jewels, her "American Girl" babydoll, complete with two outfits...and a bunch of books. Had a good time. Got up Sunday and met her and the family in the city and we went to see LION KING.
Beautiful to watch...but very, very long. And I forgot how much my sons drove me crazy with the music from that years ago. Cant lie...It was very close to torture. But she wanted it.

Dropped her and her brother, mother and her mothers mother(her grandmother) off at the bus to head back to jersey, had to wait an hour for it to arrive, the bus that is. So my daughter and I demonstrated our Tango skills to the people on line. They enjoyed the show. Granted, they laughed when my daughter was yelling instructions at me( TURN!!!...DIP ME!!!!...TURN!!!) her mom was embarrassed, but the babygirl wasn't, nor was I.

You know, I kinda felt it, but wasn't sure..but now I'm sure....I was married to SYBIL!!!!!!!!

Gunner

And its on...

2006-11-02T08:52:00.000-05:00

Running to San Fran in December. I hear they have great sneaker shops...So I'm on the hunt. My sons got me back into "sneakers as statements" over the summer, and now there is a slight addiction.

just registered my son in VA for a weeklong class at Columbia University for computer game design taught by some PHD holders. He's buggin out. Amped to go. Have to buy him a new computer as the one I got him last year is way too slow for what he's trying to do on it.

My first born and I are headed to the Zulu anniversary party this year. Should be fun. Had to grab him a new mixer and some records for his b'day.

Came to the understanding that I should have never had a daughter. Caught myself in a jewlelry store yesterday trying to mentally justify buying my little girl a 3.5 caret tennis bracelet. Her arms are so small, as the piece was made for adults, that the guy said he would remove several links and make her a set of hanging earrings, and a pendant on a chain. The "bling-age" factor was quite intense....But then I called a friend with a bit of sense(not a lot, just a dash) and they basically told me if I did it, it was going to cause major issues with my x-wife...Not that it would bug me, I began to reach in my pocket for the card...When they said what did make total sense...

"Gunner, if you get her that now....When she turns 13..Your gonna have to buy her at least 5 to 6 carets to announce her woman hood to the world".

So, as I glanced over the counter, it occurred to me to walk out the store real slow...And never come back.

Cant lie, I thought about it all night. But I admit, I buy the stuff I buy for my babygirl...cause she's the only female in my life that I both, trust and love. Kinda sad....but very true.

Oh well, she'll make due with the four gold bangles, and butterfly necklace I got her. She's only turning seven. What was I thinking.

My cousin called me last night. He's headed to Ethiopia, and then Morocco(something is going on in my family by the way..three of my cousins married females straight out morocco, and one went to Ethiopia...they're beautiful women...but seriously, I don't know how much different they will be from state-side sisters. I figure crazy is crazy anywhere)for three weeks in 07, wanted to know if I felt like taggin' along. Well, how can I say no? So we are trying to work out the dates for that.

I said I wanted to travel more...So a travlin' man ill be.

By the way..Sorry, but I'm still kinda slow with hittin' other folks blogs...but give me a few...I'm getting back into the scheme of things.

Gunner

DID IT...

2006-10-30T17:34:00.000-05:00

Finally went and did what I've been saying I was going to do. At this stage, I felt I really needed it. So I'm off to LONDON for a few days. Booked my ticket(VIRGIN) and I'm ready to go. Checked out the exchange rates, shesh!!!!!! Good thing I have a place to crash. That should save me a few. Have no idea how to dress, so I have to contact my person over there to figure it out.

Started looking at flights for next years running with the bulls. Gonna cost me a bit if I fly straight there, so it might be a bit cheaper to fly into another spot and eurorail it. But I'm trying to get that under my belt by Jan, Feb...Cool.

And lastly if all goes well, spring break...my sons and I are running to JAPAN. I asked them if they could go anywhere, where would it be, and why? Well, they want to go look at the games over there, skateboard(cause it would be cool) in Japan, and they want to grab some movies.

Babygirls seventh birthday is this weekend. She told me she wanted jewels. So jewels it is.

Trying to get it together....kinda slow..but I'm putting it together.

Gunner Kaufman

So I'm wandering in the city...

2006-10-24T08:19:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, no reason...Just drifting, doing a bit of thinking. When several guys step out from a store and wind up walking next to me. A second glance is needed, but this one guy looks so damn familiar...Then he opens his mouth to speak. And it is...Its THE RULER...SLICK RICK!!!!
As he walks ahead I pull out my phone and call my first born.
ME: "guess who is walking down the street in front of me right now?"
FIRST BORN: " I don't know, who dad?"
ME: "Slick RICK"
FIRST BORN" WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS...WHERE ARE YOU AT??? HE'S JUST WALKING AROUND?"

while my son rambles, it dawns on me...I've seen Slick Rick at Madison Square Garden, and countless other places over the years. I've laid out how much money supporting him?? Fuck it.

So I walked across the street, told my son to hold on a sec, and began:

ME: "excuse me, so sorry to bug you, but I have a son who is turning 14 in a few weeks, and he's and old soul when it comes to Hip Hop. I got him an IPOD two years ago and he wanted it loaded with Rakim, and your music. He's a big fan of yours..Not to keep you, but is it possible if you could just say hello to him for a second?"
SLICK RICK: "of course"
And with that he took the phone, and Slick Rick and my son had a quick two minute conversation on the phone. Nothing serious, the usual, how's school, thanks for enjoying my work..Stuff like that. As he handed me the phone back, I thanked him and continued on my way as did he, I put the phone to my ear, my son was in shock.

FIRST BORN:" dad, that was so cool!!!!"

And just like that...I was secured in my position as "the coolest dad". That's all I want.

Its Been A Long Time

2006-10-12T04:32:00.000-04:00

WOW, been quite awhile. I survived. Took quite a bit to do just that, but in the end...It worked out. Now what? Not sure...but drastic transformation is about to take place. Will never get caught in that situation again. Might very well make for a dull person, but I'm sure I can find something to divert the idleness. Trying to focus on school. Haven't done that in ages, but this trial showed me a few things, one of which is that I am far from being a dumb person...lazy perhaps..but not dumb. So I'm gearing up to go after the advanced degree.

The black and purple days, are slowly parting....still above, but I can see a few rays of sun. I cant let them clouds overtake me again. Sadly, the one vice I enjoy over all others, I've come to see is seriously bad for a cat like me. Kinda like a scared straight program...that "ish" is done.

enjoy the sky folks....

hmmmmmmmm

2006-08-26T22:56:00.000-04:00

Now if I appear to be carefree
It's only to camouflage my sadness
And honey to shield my pride I try
To cover this hurt with a show of gladness
But don't let my show convince you
That I've been happy since you
Cos I need to go, oh I need you so
Look I'm hurt and I want you to know
For others I put on a show ...
Just like Pagliacci did
I try to keep my surface hid
Smiling in the crowd I try
But in a lonely room I cry
The tears of a clown
When there's noone around, oh yeah, baby baby
Now if there's a smile on my face
Don't let my glad expression
Give you the wrong impression
Don't let this smile I wear
Make you think that I don't care
Cos really I'm sad...